HelleVision Day 21: Married…With Children, “Take My Wife, Please” (1993)

Love and Marriage, love and marriage….Speaking of love and marriage, it was my wife who found me dozing off in front of the TV last night and talked me into making an early night of it – so while earlier this month I missed a day of HelleVision, this time around I actually skipped a day.

And it felt great – cuz I needed the sleep. It’s not like anybody is reading this anyway really.

That being said, I’m still doing 31 posts in 31 days, it’s just that today is another “CREATURE DOUBLE FEATURE” For HelleVision (or more like an Ed O’Neill double feature), starting with one of my dad’s favorite shows of all time – “Married…With Children” and for HelleVision, we’re going to look at the season 8 episode, from 1993 – Take My Wife, Please.

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Right off the bat, I have to say – not hearing the classic “Love and Marriage” by Frank Sinatra. To me, that wasn’t even a real song, it was just the theme song to Married…With Children. I know the reason that the show no longer uses the song has something to do with the musical rights, but watching those credits without it just feels really weird.

So let’s watch them with it.

Married…With Children was on for 11 seasons. I know I didn’t watch it all the way until the end, heck back then I bet there were a ton of episodes of shows I loved that I didn’t see. There were no DVRs or Streaming. If you didn’t set up your VCR, you missed it and had to wait until it reran.

Luckily my mom was always pretty good with the VCR, so much so that neighbors would ask her to set theirs up sometimes. But still, even with the magical VCR, I know I missed episodes of this show. Still, it was one of my family’s early favorites.

I know, right? A bit racy for an entire family to watch, but I’ve never seen my dad laugh like he did with Al Bundy. Hell, like he still does with Al Bundy. I’ll catch him watching reruns sometimes and still loving it. It was that laugh-out-loud funny.

For “Take my Wife, Please” it’s Halloween time. Peggy and Bud are charting out the neighborhood to find the best places to trick-or-treat, and the best places to egg. Kelly joins them, and they all get in costume ready to go, in classic Bundy style.


Marcy is hosting a charity event for women who kill their husband just to watch them die. She was supposed to get the Village People, but they couldn’t make it. So now she wants the three of them, along with Jefferson, to dress up like the Village People and trick them. They weren’t interested – until Marcy promised them $500.

I guess to hell with trick-or-treating.

With them gone, Al comes home to an empty home – hating Halloween.


He tries to hide from trick-or-treaters, but after one of them ends up spitting some junk in his face, he wishes he was dead – and wouldn’t you know it, the next knock on the door is from Death itself.


Or should I say, herself. When Death reveals that she looks just like Peg.

“Perfect,” says Al.

Al has been calling for Death for years, and finally Death appears, but Al is quick to clarify that it’s just something you say like “How’re you doing?” or “I love you.”

Death decides to make a deal with Al. If someone in his family says that they need him, just once before midnight, she’ll let him live. Otherwise, he’s a goner. Luckily, Death has it’s own Network so they can tune in over to the Darcys to watch the fake Village People dance for murderous women.


All they have to do is say they need Al in any way possible. And as they lip sync to YMCA over and over and over, Al continues waiting to hear they need him. And waiting. And waiting.

And all of a sudden, the real actual Village People show up.


Marcy pretends that she was duped by the fakes (to save her life) and the real band gets started – with YMCA. The murderous women snap and riot!

Meanwhile, it’s close to midnight (hee hee) and Death has Al’s bags packed and is ready to go.


But just in the nick of time Al is saved!

While the Village People are under attack, a few of them escape with their lives wrapped up in toilet paper. Kelly picks up some extra from the floor, not wanting the good stuff to be wasted. Her and Bud disagree whether it’s one-ply or two-ply and Kelly wishes her dad was there because he’d know.

About toilet paper.

And Al Bundy is saved. Of course it’s toilet paper that saves him. Death let’s him go, but promises that she’ll be back…The day after he wins the lottery.

And just then Al wakes up! Was he just dreaming!?


Nope. Kelly’s exterminator spray sprung a leak and almost poisoned Al. He just passed out. The rest of it all really happened. Then the Village People and Death join the Bundys to dance to YMCA as credits roll.


A perfect ending to a 90s sitcom. Sense? Who needs to make that!?

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